I have had many questions asking me how a girl is to know what there husband wants in a Mistress. There is no really easy answer to this except pay attention to hints he drops. Breaking the ice and letting your wife know your most kinky desires is one of the hardest things your husband can do. It is often up to us to figure it out based on the little clues he gives us.
The easiest way is to check out his internet history or favorite links. The favorites links he goes to is probably a better way because he saved it so he must like it. In the case of history he may have clicked on a link and not liked it and clicked back right away and you can't tell. Keep an eye out for sites he goes to regularly. Also when looking at his history pay attention to what he is searching for on the search engines.
If this is a casual interest playing bedroom tie up every so often will be all you need. But if he is really into it than you will need to pull out all the stops. Realize that he may have been fantasizing for many years about his dream Mitress, probably since before he met you. His fantasy has most likely evolved many times over so you are at a disadvantage because you are a rookie.
With an enthusist you can bet if he likes bondage he likes a lot of bondage. Go crazy here. Trust me if you over do it he won't mind and afterwards he will let you know. I have gotten into the habit of asking him later about what happened. Or for some fun I make him tell me while he is still my prisoner. If you make a mistake you will know pretty much right away or soon after it is over. But don't regret, you will get credit for trying.
I have written about some things other than ropes and chains. Well some of these things took some trail and error and some came out of conversation during and after bondage and most were just lucky guess based on research, suggestions and things that caught my eye. What I have found that if I do enough about what he really likes I can do whatever else I want to. In this I like to really push the limits. I have some great stories to tell.
Whatever you do, don't back down and don't apologize. If something is obviously not right just finish it and change it. Don't let mistakes spoil the session. Make them work for you. Remeber regardless if you are doing this for him, the premise is you are doing it for you so him suffering a little bit won't hurt anything.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Leaving Notes
I found one of the best ways to get started in a play session, especially in the beginning, is to start by leaving a note. This note can be an email, text message, or an actual written note. Since in the beginning I really didn't know how to do bondage I followed the suggestion I am now passing on. I left a detailed note of how I wanted to find him and when. That first note instructed him to secure himself spread eagle to the bed, blindfolded and gagged. All of it in such a way that he couldn't get himself out. I set a time that I expected to find him when I got home. And it worked. He was completely helplesss. He took it very seriously. His legs were chained to the legs of the bed as were his arms. Everything locked on and rather tight as well. He had wide strong duct tape across his mouth (we have found much better gags since then) and he had protected his eyes and taped over them as well taking no chance a blindfold would slip off.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Extending the tease
From the beginnings of a couple hour session to ones now that last days we are having more fun than ever. I tend to have a pre-session activity like making him wear a chastity device under his clothes for a couple days and certainly for the immediate time before the session. I like to add other things to make him think of the upcoming session. Lately we have gotten more into latex so I have him wear latex shorts or pants under his clothes. I am always looking for bondage he can wear to work without setting off the metal detector or being detected.
If he doesn't have to go to work I have had him wear a corset, locked on of course, while he ran errands. Sometimes it would be to Home Depot and some times to the grocery store or sometimes to get something sexy. Send you man locked into a chastity, corset and latex and send him to Home Depot to get the supplies he will need to make some new device you want. Or to get some duct tape and chains and locks and rope.
Of course you can go with him and go to dinner and a movie. Add to the above a remote control vibrating butt plug to spice up dinner. Maybe put some ankle cuffs on him under his pants then lock them together in the darkness of the theatre. One of my favorite outings was to take him to get his hair cut from a super sexy girl at the mall while I watched from outside the shop. He had on Chastity, corset, latex and the aforementioned remote control device. I was in range.
All this was just part of the tease and foreplay. Sometimes a long session at home would follow, sometimes a bunch of small sessions would lead up to something bigger a few days later. The point is to drag it out as long as possible. But if you take it out over days you will need to make sure he doesn't whack off while you aren't around. Chastity is great for that. I have made him wear increasing layers of latex to work to make sure he didn't try anything and either put the chastity on or tied him up otherwise when he got home.
If he doesn't have to go to work I have had him wear a corset, locked on of course, while he ran errands. Sometimes it would be to Home Depot and some times to the grocery store or sometimes to get something sexy. Send you man locked into a chastity, corset and latex and send him to Home Depot to get the supplies he will need to make some new device you want. Or to get some duct tape and chains and locks and rope.
Of course you can go with him and go to dinner and a movie. Add to the above a remote control vibrating butt plug to spice up dinner. Maybe put some ankle cuffs on him under his pants then lock them together in the darkness of the theatre. One of my favorite outings was to take him to get his hair cut from a super sexy girl at the mall while I watched from outside the shop. He had on Chastity, corset, latex and the aforementioned remote control device. I was in range.
All this was just part of the tease and foreplay. Sometimes a long session at home would follow, sometimes a bunch of small sessions would lead up to something bigger a few days later. The point is to drag it out as long as possible. But if you take it out over days you will need to make sure he doesn't whack off while you aren't around. Chastity is great for that. I have made him wear increasing layers of latex to work to make sure he didn't try anything and either put the chastity on or tied him up otherwise when he got home.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Overcoming nerves.
For years our marriage and relationship had been vanilla. In fact our sex life, like so many marriages, had withered to just about nothing. So getting started into bondage games was very hard. Everything seemed to strange and foreign. I was so afraid of embarrassing myself and doing something wrong. Well Ladies, be rest assured, you can't do anything wrong. If this is your mans thing he will be thrilled at anything you do. If there is a danger it is not from not doing to much or going to far but rather from not doing enough.
Having chatted with many serious lifestyle and even professional Mistresses I discovered all of the costumes, bondage, gear, acts, and even being mean or cruel, was about teasing. What I have confirmed since then is the longer and stronger the tease the better. Now this is a bit weird at first but once you get into teasing your man it is empowering. There is nothing like him begging for you. Well actually there is, it is him begging for you and you pretend to give in but at the last minute you don't. Can you see how a fun cycle begins? Now don't be discouraged by how he begs because if you are doing it right he will be frustrated. And he might actually get mad but that is where you need to be strong because you know what is best. After all in his condition his thoughts can't be trusted.
So let me tell you about an early teasing experience I tried. I tied him spread eagle to the bed because that was all I really knew how to do at that point. And fondled him until he got hard for as long as I dared. After that I let him cool down a bit, mostly laying there and touching other parts of his body, sometimes just talking to him, asking him questions about bondage. After awhile the direct teasing would begin again. Each time I made it seem like I was going to finish him. This cycle repeated many times and I learned quite a bit from him about bondage and his fantasies. I got quite worked up myself as well. It must have lasted about 2 hours (very short by my current standards now) and I ended it by getting him (and me) very worked up and then riding him. He reported it to be the most powerful orgasm he had ever had and from his reaction I have no reason to not believe him. And it wasn't to bad for me.
Having chatted with many serious lifestyle and even professional Mistresses I discovered all of the costumes, bondage, gear, acts, and even being mean or cruel, was about teasing. What I have confirmed since then is the longer and stronger the tease the better. Now this is a bit weird at first but once you get into teasing your man it is empowering. There is nothing like him begging for you. Well actually there is, it is him begging for you and you pretend to give in but at the last minute you don't. Can you see how a fun cycle begins? Now don't be discouraged by how he begs because if you are doing it right he will be frustrated. And he might actually get mad but that is where you need to be strong because you know what is best. After all in his condition his thoughts can't be trusted.
So let me tell you about an early teasing experience I tried. I tied him spread eagle to the bed because that was all I really knew how to do at that point. And fondled him until he got hard for as long as I dared. After that I let him cool down a bit, mostly laying there and touching other parts of his body, sometimes just talking to him, asking him questions about bondage. After awhile the direct teasing would begin again. Each time I made it seem like I was going to finish him. This cycle repeated many times and I learned quite a bit from him about bondage and his fantasies. I got quite worked up myself as well. It must have lasted about 2 hours (very short by my current standards now) and I ended it by getting him (and me) very worked up and then riding him. He reported it to be the most powerful orgasm he had ever had and from his reaction I have no reason to not believe him. And it wasn't to bad for me.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Left alone
My first 2 posts were sort of boring I realize but i wanted to lay a little bit of a foundation. I am sure I will get more into that and the beginnings and about us but I though today I would give an example of a regular activity we play. About once a week I have to drive into the city for one thing or another. I am usually gone anywhere from 4-9 hours. If his schedule will allow it I have been trying to leave home in some sort of predicament to deal with while I am gone.
When this was first suggested to me I thought it was sort of silly but I discovered on the first trip that I got such a thrill thinking about him at home quite helpless under my control even though I am not there. I can send email from my phone so I would send messages or tasks or get assigned updates throughout the day. This is particularly interesting when a message comes through when I am in the middle of a discussion with someone. I have had to make up more than one story to explain my smile after reading a message.
It will vary of course but but almost always has three elements involved. 1. He is restricted as much as I can think of in various ways without the ability to free himself. 2. He is also free to move about the house in this restricted manor. If he had to get out of the house, he could. and 3. He usually has some sort of task to complete. Most of the tasks are basic and mundane but made much more interesting by the restrictions I have put him in. I also have a key or keys hidden so I can tell him how to get out of some or all of it with just a phone call.
A recent outing went something like this. I locked on chastity device, a must if you leave a bondage freak alone in bondage. The chastity belt also enables me to lock a butt plug in as well. This particular one is leather and could be cut off but otherwise is very effective and quite inescapable. Next comes a pair of elbow length latex gloves and a latex hood that leaves his face open but comes down around his neck and a bit down his chest and back. This is followed by a full latex body suit that has full feet. The body suit covers the gloves by quite a bit and once wrist cuffs are added they can't be taken off. The body suit has a high snug collar that covers the lower part of the hood. I use a plastic tie to seal the zippers of the hood and suit together that will be covered by the locking collar.
For this day I choose a fairly wide collar, but not the most strict as i will be gone for quite some time. By the way he never knows if I will be gone 4 hours or 9 hours or something in between. I the collar is leather and locks and has D-rings in 4 places. Next I put a head harness with a ball gag and a blindfold on him. I attach the D-ring at the top to a chain hanging from the ceiling so he has to just stand there. I also lock his cuffs to a chain from the ceiling and pull them up as high as I can get them. Now I can do whatever I want and he is helpless to stop me. from this point on I mix getting him more ready and getting myself ready.
The next thing for him is a severe heavy leather corset with a 4 locking straps. With his arms stretched high above his head this makes getting it tight much easier. I will come back 3 or 4 times throughout the rest of the process to tighten it more before locking the buckles. I have gotten very good at this by now and this one was particularly tight. The corset is full torso and covers the waistband for the chastity harness as well as his nipples. It also has over the shoulder straps that lock as well and a pair of straps that goes between us legs and joins to one strap to lock in the middle of the back. This pulls the latex tightly over the chastity belt and all of it tightly to the body making that much more effective.
Next I lock on a pair of knee high leather ballet boots that lace very snugly. The ankle cuffs are joined by about a 6" chain. He can't really stand alone in these boots without holding on to something and while he can walk just a bit he can't stop with holding on to something. I am hoping he will get some practice this day.
Next I lock a couple of 12" chains to D rings on his corset at the waist and attach a wrist to each. This will limit the use of his arms for the day. The chain on his head harness keeps him standing while I finish getting ready.
Finally I am ready so I take the blindfold off his head harness so he can see that I am wearing the sexy boots he likes and nice tight black pants. He can see the keys hanging around my neck in my exposed cleavage. With the tight corset and the ballet boots he knows it will be a struggle. Now I assign him his tasks.
1. He will send me an email every hour on the hour about about how his day is going and the progress he has made. He can't use his laptop because of the latex gloves won't make the touch pad work so he will have to use the computer in the basement office.
2. He needs to clean the dishes in the kitchen and put them away. I know he will fail because of his arms and he can't reach the cabinet.
3. Do the laundry, including folding and putting away.
4. Make the bed and clean up the bedroom
5. Check emails for further instructions.
6. Have fun.
With that I take off ball gag and push him on to the bed and ask if he has anything to say before I leave. He says" I love you". In fact that is all he is allowed to say. He has been instructed not to complain unless safety is involved or especially ask when I will be home.
I say "See you tonight" and gone down stairs and right out the door. It is 9:30am so I will be expecting an email in 30 minutes and he is on the second floor and the computer is in the basement.
When this was first suggested to me I thought it was sort of silly but I discovered on the first trip that I got such a thrill thinking about him at home quite helpless under my control even though I am not there. I can send email from my phone so I would send messages or tasks or get assigned updates throughout the day. This is particularly interesting when a message comes through when I am in the middle of a discussion with someone. I have had to make up more than one story to explain my smile after reading a message.
It will vary of course but but almost always has three elements involved. 1. He is restricted as much as I can think of in various ways without the ability to free himself. 2. He is also free to move about the house in this restricted manor. If he had to get out of the house, he could. and 3. He usually has some sort of task to complete. Most of the tasks are basic and mundane but made much more interesting by the restrictions I have put him in. I also have a key or keys hidden so I can tell him how to get out of some or all of it with just a phone call.
A recent outing went something like this. I locked on chastity device, a must if you leave a bondage freak alone in bondage. The chastity belt also enables me to lock a butt plug in as well. This particular one is leather and could be cut off but otherwise is very effective and quite inescapable. Next comes a pair of elbow length latex gloves and a latex hood that leaves his face open but comes down around his neck and a bit down his chest and back. This is followed by a full latex body suit that has full feet. The body suit covers the gloves by quite a bit and once wrist cuffs are added they can't be taken off. The body suit has a high snug collar that covers the lower part of the hood. I use a plastic tie to seal the zippers of the hood and suit together that will be covered by the locking collar.
For this day I choose a fairly wide collar, but not the most strict as i will be gone for quite some time. By the way he never knows if I will be gone 4 hours or 9 hours or something in between. I the collar is leather and locks and has D-rings in 4 places. Next I put a head harness with a ball gag and a blindfold on him. I attach the D-ring at the top to a chain hanging from the ceiling so he has to just stand there. I also lock his cuffs to a chain from the ceiling and pull them up as high as I can get them. Now I can do whatever I want and he is helpless to stop me. from this point on I mix getting him more ready and getting myself ready.
The next thing for him is a severe heavy leather corset with a 4 locking straps. With his arms stretched high above his head this makes getting it tight much easier. I will come back 3 or 4 times throughout the rest of the process to tighten it more before locking the buckles. I have gotten very good at this by now and this one was particularly tight. The corset is full torso and covers the waistband for the chastity harness as well as his nipples. It also has over the shoulder straps that lock as well and a pair of straps that goes between us legs and joins to one strap to lock in the middle of the back. This pulls the latex tightly over the chastity belt and all of it tightly to the body making that much more effective.
Next I lock on a pair of knee high leather ballet boots that lace very snugly. The ankle cuffs are joined by about a 6" chain. He can't really stand alone in these boots without holding on to something and while he can walk just a bit he can't stop with holding on to something. I am hoping he will get some practice this day.
Next I lock a couple of 12" chains to D rings on his corset at the waist and attach a wrist to each. This will limit the use of his arms for the day. The chain on his head harness keeps him standing while I finish getting ready.
Finally I am ready so I take the blindfold off his head harness so he can see that I am wearing the sexy boots he likes and nice tight black pants. He can see the keys hanging around my neck in my exposed cleavage. With the tight corset and the ballet boots he knows it will be a struggle. Now I assign him his tasks.
1. He will send me an email every hour on the hour about about how his day is going and the progress he has made. He can't use his laptop because of the latex gloves won't make the touch pad work so he will have to use the computer in the basement office.
2. He needs to clean the dishes in the kitchen and put them away. I know he will fail because of his arms and he can't reach the cabinet.
3. Do the laundry, including folding and putting away.
4. Make the bed and clean up the bedroom
5. Check emails for further instructions.
6. Have fun.
With that I take off ball gag and push him on to the bed and ask if he has anything to say before I leave. He says" I love you". In fact that is all he is allowed to say. He has been instructed not to complain unless safety is involved or especially ask when I will be home.
I say "See you tonight" and gone down stairs and right out the door. It is 9:30am so I will be expecting an email in 30 minutes and he is on the second floor and the computer is in the basement.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
My Mistress Personality
When I first decided to try my hand at Domination I didn't have a clue how to act. After all I wanted to be able to face my husband the next morning. I checked out websites but mostly found Professional Dommes or Lifestyle Mistresses. I contacted a few of the life timers and got some great advice.
1.Create an alternate personality that will be used in character only.
2.Dress the part. Get a Mistress costume and go all out.
3.Have a Mistress Name
4.Gag and/or blindfold him most of the time.
5.Have fun and don't be afraid to make mistakes.
I decided on the name of Mistress Jessica because I thought it was a sexy name, I thought my husband would think it is sexy and one of the Domme's who was the most helpful was named Jessica.
Since I had no intention of making this our lifestyle I decided on being as much like a cruel professional Dominatrix as I could pull off. I got a great outfit with very nice leather corset with buckles. Leather gloves. Knee high leather boots with 5" heels and fishnet stockings with leather garters.
The most striking thing was my hair. I normally have a mop of long but very curly hair. I seldom do anything with it as it takes to much time and I am to busy. Besides ant humidity at all takes control of my hair in no time. The first time I rolled out Mistress Jessica I took the time to straighten my hair. I have to admit I looked great. I wish I could have it like that always. I am so jealous of the girls in the shampoo ads.
Since then my wardrobe has grown so much. I can't tell you how much fun it is to dress up like a dominatrix even with a few extra pounds. Oh yeah and I have lost a bunch of weight since starting these games. I am obsessed with being sexier and getting better outfits. I have found I love corsets which was a complete surprise to me. And I can't tell you what a thrill it is for my husband for me to wear a corset and boots, even in not Mistress activities. The more normal the activity the better it seems. I am sure you will hear more about corsets and boots in other future posts.
1.Create an alternate personality that will be used in character only.
2.Dress the part. Get a Mistress costume and go all out.
3.Have a Mistress Name
4.Gag and/or blindfold him most of the time.
5.Have fun and don't be afraid to make mistakes.
I decided on the name of Mistress Jessica because I thought it was a sexy name, I thought my husband would think it is sexy and one of the Domme's who was the most helpful was named Jessica.
Since I had no intention of making this our lifestyle I decided on being as much like a cruel professional Dominatrix as I could pull off. I got a great outfit with very nice leather corset with buckles. Leather gloves. Knee high leather boots with 5" heels and fishnet stockings with leather garters.
The most striking thing was my hair. I normally have a mop of long but very curly hair. I seldom do anything with it as it takes to much time and I am to busy. Besides ant humidity at all takes control of my hair in no time. The first time I rolled out Mistress Jessica I took the time to straighten my hair. I have to admit I looked great. I wish I could have it like that always. I am so jealous of the girls in the shampoo ads.
Since then my wardrobe has grown so much. I can't tell you how much fun it is to dress up like a dominatrix even with a few extra pounds. Oh yeah and I have lost a bunch of weight since starting these games. I am obsessed with being sexier and getting better outfits. I have found I love corsets which was a complete surprise to me. And I can't tell you what a thrill it is for my husband for me to wear a corset and boots, even in not Mistress activities. The more normal the activity the better it seems. I am sure you will hear more about corsets and boots in other future posts.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
New years resolution
I am starting the new year by making this blog about my new found favorite thing to do. I took so long to realize how much fun I was missing I hope maybe I can maybe be a resource for someone trying to make that leap. My wonderful husband and I had played some bondage games long before we were married and I knew he had a very strong interest, but some how we just stopped playing. I learned recently that he didn't want to push his fantasies and interests on me. He was worried about scaring me I think. I suppose it was a legitimate concern. He was and is very into BDSM.
Our sex life over the years had gone from seldom at best to virtually nothing. Lately our schedules made it easy to blame it on time. He works long hours as a manager in a factory and I work from home. I am usually working when he is home. I think after a very romantic and adventurous start our love life had gotten very boring. He was tired when I was rarely interested and I frankly had lost my sexiness. I had gained a few pounds and was always dressed in sweats. Working from home gets you very lazy about dressing and appearance.
It never has bothered me that he has this interest nor that he will indulge himself on the internet. He has always been faithful and has always been a wonderful husband. In fact, even though it wasn't a secret, he went to great lengths to make sure he never did any of that while I was around. Of course there was the occassional quick change of webpages, but it was rare and I pretended not to notice what he was doing.
He hinted from time to time about BDSM related things to draw out my interest but I discounted (I realized much later) them as jokes and he never pushed it. I barely noticed that he seemed to be getting depressed as I was so involved in my work. Even with his busy hours he took on much of the chores. He cooked most the meals and did much of the laundry and a lot of the cleaning. I know what you are thinking, but it is not like that, he was just being his normal considerate helpful self.
My husband is a wonderful man. He is the nicest person I know. He is very loving and caring and considerate to a fault. We never fought. He would always make sure I had what i wanted and needed and was very selfless. I didn't realize it but I had been taking advantage of him for years. One day I realized I needed to do something special for this wonderful man. It was so obvious. I just needed to figure out how to do it.
About a year or so later I am having the time of my life and so is my husband. The spark is back. We are having so much fun. I am feeling sexier than I did 20 years ago.
Our sex life over the years had gone from seldom at best to virtually nothing. Lately our schedules made it easy to blame it on time. He works long hours as a manager in a factory and I work from home. I am usually working when he is home. I think after a very romantic and adventurous start our love life had gotten very boring. He was tired when I was rarely interested and I frankly had lost my sexiness. I had gained a few pounds and was always dressed in sweats. Working from home gets you very lazy about dressing and appearance.
It never has bothered me that he has this interest nor that he will indulge himself on the internet. He has always been faithful and has always been a wonderful husband. In fact, even though it wasn't a secret, he went to great lengths to make sure he never did any of that while I was around. Of course there was the occassional quick change of webpages, but it was rare and I pretended not to notice what he was doing.
He hinted from time to time about BDSM related things to draw out my interest but I discounted (I realized much later) them as jokes and he never pushed it. I barely noticed that he seemed to be getting depressed as I was so involved in my work. Even with his busy hours he took on much of the chores. He cooked most the meals and did much of the laundry and a lot of the cleaning. I know what you are thinking, but it is not like that, he was just being his normal considerate helpful self.
My husband is a wonderful man. He is the nicest person I know. He is very loving and caring and considerate to a fault. We never fought. He would always make sure I had what i wanted and needed and was very selfless. I didn't realize it but I had been taking advantage of him for years. One day I realized I needed to do something special for this wonderful man. It was so obvious. I just needed to figure out how to do it.
About a year or so later I am having the time of my life and so is my husband. The spark is back. We are having so much fun. I am feeling sexier than I did 20 years ago.
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